disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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