So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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