He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
