is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
