question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
