you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
