My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
