Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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