Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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