is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
