**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
