I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize