do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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