So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
