apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
