I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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