it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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