It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize