I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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