I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
