This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
