So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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