oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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