my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
