I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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