thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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