Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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