I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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