I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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