conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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