The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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