my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
