Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
