i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
