my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
