Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can't just leave with hair like that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
