i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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