Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
