I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
