I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
