If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
