You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
