trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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