you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
