i wish my penis had a tongue
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
