if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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