I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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