we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
