so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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