Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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