You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
