8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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