Three words: puerto rican gang bang
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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