this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
