I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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