the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
