So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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