I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
