I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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