I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize