Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize