he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
