I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
