She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
