now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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