We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
