We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
